Spoiler:The Postins' Whiskey Sour Mix taken from TotemSoul.com
A couple of years ago I had a revelation. It came to me after having
reached what I felt to be a proverbial plateau in my personal
refinement of what I feel constitutes "real drinking." Thusly I set
out on a mission, a mission from the gods; this mission was to create
the ultimate pleasant pilsner alternative....something for those
nights when you don't have enough time to knock back twelve
beers....when you need to get f*cked up ASAP. Now dont get me wrong I
LOVE BEER. Beer comprises 95% of my daily alcohol consumption....but I
also LOVE WHISKEY SOURS!!! However, all the different sour mixes I've
used over the years had all their unique pros and cons, and so I
placed upon myself a mission, a mission to create the ultimate whiskey
sour mix....hence the official sharing of "THE POSTINS' WHISKEY SOUR
MIX." *bum bum bummmmmm*
This was a long and tedious process, kind of like reading this post,
but I digress. I thought at great length all the gratifying and all
the unsatisfying attributes all of my favourite whiskey sour mixes, at
the time, had to offer. Some had a perfect amount of this and too
little of that, and vice versa. So armed with this knowledge, and
patience, I created what I feel, to be the ultimate whiskey sour mix.
Many a buds of taste have been inundated with the PWSM. People say,
"Man, where did you get this stuff, it's perfect..." And then I say,
"No no, it's my little secret." They probably thought I was putting
p*ss in it, but I wasn't. What it was was a act of love, an act for
all of my fellow alcoholics. So now, for some reason, I feel compelled
to share my recipe with you, the recipe that took weeks to create
(because you can only test it so many times in one evening). I
sincerely hope you enjoy it, but if you don't, I must confess, that I
really don't give a sh*t. So now, to cease the mindless rhetoric that
you've had to read thus far, and on to the legendary "POSTINS' WHISKEY
SOUR MIX" *echo, echo, echo, echo*
-8 fresh lemons
-8 fresh limes
-3 1/3 cups of orange juice, straight out of the carton....for some
reason, if you use concentrate, it just doesnt taste right
-3 cups of sugar (Splenda will work here for all of you calorie
contious alcholics that plan to use Bacardi for your poison)
-5 cups of water (this can be entirely omitted, or tailored to your
own personal taste. The water really dictates how pronounced the taste
of the PWSM is).
-Stir
-Add "poison" to glass, pour in the PWSM, and enjoy....enjoy the f*ck out it.
Now I feel compelled to share with you, the reader, my favourite
poisons. Hands down I prefer Jim Beam Kentucky Straight Bourbon
Whiskey. I find it to be the perfect compliment to mix. Damn near
anything will work with this mix, trust me, I put this mix through
rigorous testing, however, take it from the creator of this mix, Jim
Beam is the best.
However, if you find your wallet to be particularly inundated with
cash, and your in a scotch type of mood, might I suggest The
Macallen. Let me stress that The Macallen is perfect on it's own.
Just pour yourself a fingre' of The Macallen and you'll soon find
yourself thinking, "I could die happy right now." However, it also
works really well in the mix. Might I suggest favouring more alcohol
and less mix if you use The Macallen.
Alas, if you find yourself pressed for cash, grain alcohol is good.
However, just realize that your esaphagus WILL hurt the next day. Many
people have told me this, so it's not just me, so I dont recommend it.
If you find yourself to be on a budget use Early Times whiskey mash.
There you go sunshine. The right and left hemispheres of your brain
are now mylinating additional neural pathways to ensure longevic
coding of this PWSM information into long term memory. I hope this mix
brings you all the joy in the world, or whatever. And also, I dont
really give a sh*t if you drink responsibly or not.
Your brother in drinking and music and drinking
Dr. Jonathan B. Postins, PHD, Specialization in Abnormal and Clinical
Application Psychology.....at some point, first I'll become an arena
rocker with TotemSoul, record and tour for 47 years straight....so for
now, just call me Jon
